You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
