i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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