I can text with my tongue
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
