eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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