when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
