I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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