So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
