yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
