Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
