Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
