fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
