We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
