...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
