Already got asked if we're dating
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
