Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
