i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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