I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
