Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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