I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize