We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
