garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
