I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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