she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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