smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
