Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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