Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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