Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
