pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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