im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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