Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
