I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
