Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
