You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
