He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
