Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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