Whoa Z and x make the same sound
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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