I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
