You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize