Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
