Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
