He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
