well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
