you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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