First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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