I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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