My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
