Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
