I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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