you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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