I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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