Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
