It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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