Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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