she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
