i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
