i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
