Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
