MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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