She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
