so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
