Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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