just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
