Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize