I hate your face
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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