Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
