No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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