In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize