There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
