Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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