If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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