I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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