My liver just broke up with me...
do herpes really smell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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