Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Two words: blizzard sex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
